• Briana Amos

FUCK A AESTHETIC!!! Brujita’s Self Love Journey

My self love journey has been quite a fucking ride. I’ve been a makeup artist for over a decade, so beauty & glamour have always been easy for me to create. The real tea is that for so long, up until my early 20s, I would never even leave the house without makeup on. I’m talking full foundation, brows, lips & lashes even if I was just going to the grocery store & back. Ever since I was a child, I struggled with body dysmorphia. I grew up being teased about my appearance which led to deeply rooted insecurities. I hid behind makeup & glamour as a mask to cover up any & everything that I was insecure about.

Fast forward a few years later as got deeper into my spiritual journey (and started dating a fake ass hotep rapper), I became “anti-glam”. I started feeling like a fraud or “plastic” whenever I would put on makeup or get glammed up. I was learning to love my plain face while still struggling with body dysmorphia & having internal issues centered around why I even used makeup. I had to find the balance between what was for my personal self expression, what was for societal beauty standards & realize that the person I was in a relationship with was also just insecure because of the attention I received when I was glammed up.

Even in my “anti-glam” days, I still loved makeup. I just didn’t really wear it unless it was for a special occasion. Then I chopped my hair off in December 2018. Now I won’t lie to you folks, those first few months I hated how looked unless I had my makeup on. I felt a sense of freedom & liberation with my short hair but unless my face was beat, somehow I was feeling a disconnect from my inner divine feminine. I ALWAYS felt sexy, but just not in a feminine way. During this timeframe, I got pregnant & miscarried. I went through it alone & broke. Broken both spiritually & financially. Healing from that trauma helped me to finally reach balance in both my divine feminine & divine masculine. I learned to love my short hair with & without makeup. It truly didn’t matter what the outside looked like anymore because I learned to love the woman I am, my mind, my heart. I had to no choice but to stan my own resilience.

I thought back to a show on Netflix, called Altered Carbon. I’d watched only a few episodes with my ex (the hotep rapper) & in hindsight I realized spirit was sending me a message back then but I missed it due to my head being clouded with insecurity. In the show, the characters are able to implant their consciousness into a body & move from one body to another to avoid people who may be out to get them & to avoid physical death. And that’s it folks! It’s like how we always say that we are souls having a human experience. Understanding this is a major key. Your body, how you look, this is a shell. This is your vehicle for your human experience in this dimension. That’s why I never judge anyone who opts for glamour, even down to getting plastic surgery to alter their appearance. Your physical body is just a shell.

You have to learn to love YOU. That means your mind, your spirit, your consciousness. You can wear no makeup, natural hair, 37 different crystals, have chakra tattoos all down your back & initiations into 8 different traditions but still lack a true connection to your own god self. It’s not about how you look, it’s about how you FEEL. You can have the aesthetic but you do you really have the connection? I don’t know when exactly, when but somewhere down the line I just stopped giving a fuck & started doing what FEELS GOOD. On Monday I might have on a full beat face with glitter & a blue wig on. By Wednesday I might just have on a headwrap & some Fenty gloss bomb. It’s still Bree. I’m still ME. And I love who I am. You should love who you are too.

These days I’m growing my hair out for Oshun, so I might throw a wig on bc it’s in the ugly stage & I’m not a fan of the shaggy look, I may or may not have on makeup, some days I might be wearing Moschino & other days I might be rocking some shit from Rainbow. But know that when you see me, regardless of how I look, I’m Bree & I love ME.

I get a lot of hate as a bruja in the spiritual & conscious community because people come to my Instagram page or my website & they see me twerking, they see me with a full face of makeup on & different color wigs. But at the same time I’m teaching empowerment & spiritual knowledge. That ruffles quite a few old school feathers. But I pay it no mind because I’m just a shapeshifting mermaid who has no attachment to this shell. I also have no attachment towards upholding a certain aesthetic because of my personal interests or career endeavors. My only duty to my physical body is to take care of it as my vehicle for my human experience. So therefore I’ll dress it up however I want on any given day. It’s my spirit that gets the most maintenance. It’s my soul that I’m continually working on elevating. So I’m going to love myself, my soul, my spirit regardless of my outward appearance.

You deserve to love yourself as well without feeling the need to adopt a certain aesthetic or follow any trends. You don’t have to be dripping in Prada for people to know that you’re a boss. You don’t have to have natural hair & a natural face for people to know that you care about the earth & your environment. It’s not about how you dress up your “shell” & present it to the world. It’s how you heal your spirit & present your consciousness, intelligence & growth to the world. Your physical body is only a book cover. It’s the content, the words on the pages inside that create depth. The intricacies of YOUR SOUL are the words on the pages. YOU are the magick. So love who you are & dress how you want because FUCK A AESTHETIC!

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*****This blogs makes a mention to the African deity Oshun. My relationship with her is entirely PRIVATE so I DO NOT answer questions about it. If you have questions about Oshun or any other deities, please seek out an initiated member of the Santeria or Ifa traditions within your local area. I am not initiated & therefore, I will not offer any assistance.*****